Lingering Thoughts on Mothers Day

This post has been in my drafts folder being worked on here and there as I try to find the words to express all my emotions from this weekend.  Per usual, I think and write best in bullet points.  Fair warning: this post is all over the place.  

• I was completely spoiled by all my loved ones this weekend, but especially by my boys.  Matt bought me a camera strap for my camera, and Carter, Cooper and Jeff all got me the sweetest cards.  It was a very special day, even if it is a "Hallmark Holiday."  We had Willie's for lunch and Saltgrass for dinner...yum! 
• Sunday was so much more meaningful to me when thinking about my own Mama.  I get it now, Mama.  I soooooo get it.  All the stress, all the worry, all the pride....I completely understand all of it now.  I have a completely new appreciation for my Mama and all she has done for me.
• I missed Daddy a lot more than I was expecting to.  I knew looking forward that Fathers Day would probably be super hard, but I was so not expecting Mothers Day to be hard for me.  It was almost worse since I wasn't expecting all the emotions to bubble over.  I can just see and hear Daddy so clearly in my head wishing me a happy mothers day.  He would have greeted me with his spectacular smile, opened his arms and given me the greatest hug.  It's so real in my head...almost like it really happened even though it never did.  I know he had a great mothers day in heaven with his mama, so I just keep thinking of that whenever I get sad.  Love you, Daddy!
• I have lots of questions in my head floating around about what makes a mother.  Well, maybe not what "makes" a mother, but who the holiday is really for?  People kept saying things about it being my first mothers day.  Was I not a mother last year when Carter was in my belly?  When I had spent 13 weeks in bed and felt him rolling around all day?  Was I not a mother in 2011 even though my baby was in heaven and not in my arms?  Which one was my "first" mothers day??  I'm so, SO thankful that I spent Sunday looking into my sons eyes, watching him play and hearing his laugh, but I still flinched every time I heard "first mothers day."  
• My heart was so heavy on Sunday for all of those who had either recently lost their mother, or who were still waiting to be called Mama.  I know how hard that day can be and I spent so much time in prayer on Sunday for those who were hurting.  
• This post was not meant to be so serious, I need to end on a high note.  I slept until 8:15 Sunday morning!  Matt and I went to a couples shower Saturday night so Monkey had a sleep over at Nana's and we picked him up on our way to church. It may have been the best Mothers Day gift I received all day ;)