Daddy

This post is so hard to write.  I've started and deleted many times.  I just feel like no matters the words nothing will ever fully explain my emotions right now.  There are so many things I want to say, but also so much I want to forget I'm torn about what to put down.  Ultimately, this blog is my family scrapbook and I've decided to include this period of sadness and grief.

Mama called the morning of February 7 to tell me Daddy collapsed on the golf course.  After several days in the hospital and numerous doctors we were basically told that it was likely a "cardiac event" that caused him to lose consciousness and the brain damage he sustained thereafter was too severe to recover from.  We were able to spend several days with Daddy in ICU and eventually moved him to hospice on February 12, where he took his last breath.

We held a memorial service in his honor on February 16 where I delivered a eulogy Mama wrote.  Not surprisingly the church was full of people who knew Daddy from all walks of life.

Right now I think the word to best describe my feelings is numb.  I'm floating through days taking care of Carter like nothing has changed, yet my whole world is different.  I'm not sure how to keep going yet I find myself doing everything my brain is telling me I should be doing.  I'm just in disbelief.  Shock.  I alternate from being completely fine to a complete wreck with ease.  I worry most about my mom.

I'm not sure where to go from here.