This morning I woke up to an amazing temperature that I quickly entered into my charting software (those of you who have been trying to have a baby for some time know how exciting that temperature can be) and promptly got this:
But I didn’t cry. I actually just continued to get ready, ate breakfast, did my hair, etc and acted like it was a normal day. Because it was…infertility doesn’t take a day off.
And then I heard this on the radio:
Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise from the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache, you think its more than you can take
But your stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now, the sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds to find the silver lining
-Kutless
And I sobbed like a baby. Like the cry you had when you first saw The Notebook. You know the one- gasping for breath, snot flying, making noises you didn’t know you could make- all while driving myself to work. Yeah..it was a pretty sight. But it was exactly what I needed. Once I got to work and put myself back together I DID feel better. (At least until my nurse called later in the day to confirm my blood test results from yesterday and I cried in front of my students. Real cool.)
I feel like God put this song on the radio at that exact time so I could have my “moment” today. I mean, could the lyrics be any more fitting?!? And can I tell you that when I turned my car on this afternoon to come home it was on AGAIN! If that’s not God speaking to me I don’t know what it. Guess I need to keep trying and keep believing. I get the message, God.
Now off to cheer for my husband at the second game of the season when honestly, all I want to do is have a big Diet Coke and watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy. But infertility doesn’t break for football season…go Tigers!
4 comments:
Boo... I'm so sorry, and my heart broke for you when I read this :(
KSBJ has helped me through many morning commutes, but it has also been responsible for many embarrassing sobbing in the car episodes as well, so I can totally feel you on this one.
Other good ones: "Beauty Will Rise" by Stephen Curtis Chapman, "Be Still" by Story Side B, and "Stronger" by Mandisa.
Sending a hug your way...
XOXOXOXOXO!!!!!!!
I love you! And the song is right... you are STRONG, stronger than you know, definitely stronger than I am! always praying......... love you both
I was stopping by because of the crock pot recipes on Kelly's Korner, but stayed because well... I'm also an Aggie. Then I got to this post - and I'm almost in tears.
I struggled with infertility for 8 years... and walked with God through parts of it - walked away through other parts... but finally in 2009 - I turned it all over to Him... and in 2010, we adopted our son James in April to find out the same day that we adopted him that I was three months pregnant with our son Tyler.
I tell you this to say that God has a plan, we don't always understand it or want to go His way... but believe me - it's better than you can ever imagine when he reveals it.
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