National Infertility Awareness Week- Bust a Myth

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Myth: Having a miscarriage means you are fertile.

For what seems like an eternity now, Matt and I have been trying to expand our family.  In the beginning we thought it would happen exactly like they teach us in school- go off the pill and wait for a positive pregnancy test.  WRONG!  Being as OCD as I am I started taking my temperature every morning and soon noticed a pattern that was not conducive to conceiving.  I went to see my doctor and started Clomid, a common fertility drug that aides ovulation.  Again, I thought it would happen right away.  WRONG!  A few months later I endured a pretty painful procedure to “help” the process along and a few months after that we did finally achieve a pregnancy.  Sadly, we lost our little one at 10 weeks in September 2010. 

Having a miscarriage is life-changing.  It’s one of those things that you never understand until you are experiencing it and no words can help anyone else understand.  I have come to compartmentalize our recent life events into BL: Before Loss, and AL: After Loss.  As painful as infertility is, pregnancy loss is a different kind of hell.  And infertility combined with miscarriage…well that’s just cruel.

After the miscarriage people would say, “well at least you know you can get pregnant.”  Even my therapist tried to make miscarriage into a sliver lining.  I didn’t have to worry about that “infertility stuff” anymore.  Surely I would get pregnant again soon and go onto have a healthy pregnancy.  That may be true for some people, but others of us continue to be unlucky.  Others of us revisit that grief of what “could” have been month after month after month.  We are reminded on a monthly basis that we are NOT pregnant.

Now we are back on the infertility roller-coaster trying to achieve a healthy pregnancy that ends in a take-home baby.  On Wednesday of this week I will undergo a laparoscopy to remove endometrial scarring and hopefully bring us closer to being a family of 3.  Prayers for this procedure and my recovery are much appreciated. 

If you know someone who is currently battling infertility, or has recently suffered a loss, know that just your presence and kind words go a long way.  Hug them and tell them that what they are going through is bullshit  and something no one should ever have to face.  Tell them you are thinking about them and lend your should when they need to cry.  Show up with a bottle of wine and a funny story when they get home from another doctor’s appointment.  And read this article on infertility etiquette.  Then re-read it and share it with a friend.